Coping with Holiday Sobriety After Losing a Loved One

Losing someone you love is not easy at any time of the year, and no matter when your loved one passed, the holidays can be a dark and isolated time without them, especially the first time after their death. It is normal to feel that empty space more acutely than ever during the holidays, and if you are in recovery, it can be difficult to stay sober and experience that depth of grief without relapse.

The good news is that it is possible to stay sober no matter how overwhelming your grief may feel, and it is far healthier to process these emotions in sobriety. When you are sober, you allow yourself to go through the experience of grieving rather than postponing it or trying to escape it through relapse.

If you are struggling this holiday season because you are grieving the loss of someone you love, here are a few pointers to help get through it without drinking or drug use:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in staying sober during the holidays after the loss of a loved one is to acknowledge your feelings. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or lonely. These are all normal emotions that come with grief. It's important to give yourself permission to feel these emotions and to express them in healthy ways. This might mean talking to a trusted friend or family member, writing in a journal, or seeking counseling.

Give yourself permission to grieve

You may feel like you have to be “fine,” especially if it has been some time since your loved one’s passing, but it is perfectly normal to feel sadness during the holidays in the years following a loss. In fact, many who thought they had processed their loss and moved forward are caught off guard when it strikes during the holidays, making them feel raw and vulnerable, and unexpectedly at risk of relapse. Know that what you are feeling is more than okay and give yourself the time and space you need to go through those feelings at your own pace.

Plan Ahead

One of the keys to staying sober during the holidays is to plan ahead. This might mean avoiding certain events or situations that could trigger cravings or negative emotions. It might also mean making new traditions or finding new ways to celebrate the holidays. Some ideas might include volunteering at a local shelter or charity, attending a support group meeting, or hosting a sober holiday party with friends.

Lean on Your Support System

Another important factor in staying sober during the holidays is to lean on your support system. This might include friends, family members, or members of your recovery community. It's important to have people who understand what you're going through and who can offer you support and encouragement. Make a plan to connect with these people regularly throughout the holiday season.

Focus on your recovery

If you have the energy to do anything this holiday season, do recovery. Show up to meetings. Talk to your doctor if medical support is needed. Be open and forthcoming with your therapist about what you are feeling and why. Spend time with friends after support groups, reach out to your alumni group, and stay connected to as many healing therapies and treatments as you can.

Give yourself a project

If you find that the downtime when you are outside of your recovery-focused groups and treatments feels empty and dark, pick a project to focus your attention on. It can be creative, a project that allows you to really explore how you are feeling or something you loved about the person who passed, or it can be methodical and organized, giving you an opportunity to right the chaos in your cabinets as you sort through all the emotions you are feeling.

Take Care of Yourself

Finally, it's important to take care of yourself during the holidays. This might mean getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly. It might also mean setting boundaries and saying no to things that don't serve your sobriety or your overall well-being. Remember that self-care is not selfish, and taking care of yourself will help you stay strong and focused during the holidays.

In conclusion, staying sober during the holidays after the loss of a loved one is possible with the right mindset and support system. Remember to acknowledge your feelings, plan ahead, lean on your support system, and take care of yourself. With these tools, you can make it through the holiday season sober and strong.

Reach Out to a Sponsor or Counselor

In addition to leaning on friends and family, it can be helpful to reach out to a sponsor or counselor for additional support during the holidays. These individuals are trained to help you navigate difficult emotions and triggers that might arise during this time of year. They can also offer guidance and advice on how to stay sober and maintain your recovery during the holiday season.

If you don't have a sponsor or counselor, consider reaching out to your local recovery community for recommendations. Many organizations offer resources and support groups specifically tailored to those in recovery during the holidays. Remember, there is no shame in asking for help, especially when it comes to maintaining your sobriety.

Attend a Sober Holiday Event or Gathering

Attending a sober holiday event or gathering can be a great way to connect with others in recovery and celebrate the season without the pressure of alcohol or drugs. Many organizations offer sober holiday events, such as potluck dinners, game nights, and movie screenings. These events provide a safe and supportive environment where you can socialize with others who understand what you're going through.

If you're not sure where to find sober holiday events in your area, reach out to your local recovery community for recommendations. You might also consider hosting your own sober event or gathering with friends who are also in recovery. Remember, you don't have to go through the holidays alone, and there are many people out there who are eager to connect and support one another during this time of year.

Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Another effective way to manage difficult emotions during the holidays is to practice mindfulness and meditation. These techniques can help you stay present in the moment and reduce stress and anxiety.

Mindfulness involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment. This can be done through simple activities like deep breathing or focusing on the sensations in your body. By practicing mindfulness regularly, you can become more aware of your emotions and learn how to regulate them in a healthy way.

Meditation involves quieting the mind and focusing on a specific object or thought. This can help you cultivate a sense of inner peace and calmness, even in the midst of difficult emotions. There are many different types of meditation, including guided meditations, body scans, and loving-kindness meditations.

Both mindfulness and meditation can be practiced anywhere at any time, making them convenient tools for managing difficult emotions during the holidays. Consider setting aside a few minutes each day to practice these techniques, or attend a meditation group or class for additional support. With regular practice, you may find that mindfulness and meditation become valuable tools for maintaining your sobriety during the holiday season.

Create a Self-Care Plan

Creating a self-care plan is an important step in staying sober during the holidays after the loss of a loved one. This plan should include activities that you enjoy and find relaxing, as well as strategies for managing stress and difficult emotions.

Some ideas for self-care activities might include taking a hot bath, going for a walk in nature, practicing yoga or other forms of exercise, reading a book, or listening to music. It's important to make time for these activities on a regular basis, even if it's just for a few minutes each day.

In addition to self-care activities, your plan should also include strategies for managing stress and difficult emotions. This might mean practicing mindfulness or meditation (as discussed earlier), journaling about your feelings, or seeking professional support from a counselor or therapist.

Remember that everyone's self-care plan will look different, and it's important to find what works best for you. By creating a self-care plan that includes activities you enjoy and find relaxing, you can help reduce stress and manage difficult emotions during the holiday season.

Consider Online Support Groups

If in-person support group meetings are not available or accessible, consider participating in an online support group. Many organizations offer virtual meetings and forums where you can connect with others who are also in recovery during the holidays.

Online support groups provide a safe and confidential space where you can share your thoughts and feelings, ask for advice, and receive encouragement from others who understand what you're going through. These groups can be accessed from anywhere with an internet connection, making them a convenient option for those who may not have access to transportation or who live in remote areas.

Some popular online support groups include SMART Recovery, In The Rooms, and Sober Grid. These organizations offer a variety of resources and tools to help you maintain your sobriety during the holiday season and beyond. Remember, there is no shame in seeking out additional support when you need it, and online support groups can be a valuable resource for those in recovery.

Celebrate your loved one during the holidays

You do not have to pretend that the holidays are not happening in order to mitigate your grief during the season. Instead, make it a point to do some of the holiday traditions that you used to do with your loved one or to create a new holiday tradition that honors them. Even though they are not physically present, they are a huge part of your life, and there is no reason why you cannot acknowledge that during the holidays just as you acknowledge how much others in your life mean to you through gifts and celebrations.

Ask for help

If you feel that, despite your best efforts, the risk of relapse is looming large – or if you do relapse due to grief over the holidays – do not hesitate to reach out for help as soon as possible. The problem with relapse during a grieving period is that when the effects of alcohol or drugs fade, the grief remains. It can feel like there is no other choice but to return to the bottle, the pipe, or pills again and again to keep obliterating those crushing feelings of loss. But the fact is that it is possible to move forward after relapse, learn from it, and become stronger in recovery.

Are you living with the loss of a loved one this holiday season? How are you reconnecting with their memory in a positive way? What choices are you making that help you to stay sober even during the darkest times?